HELP WANTED: Rhinoceros Fluffer

Posted by Ralph at 1/19/2008 4:21 PM
Categories: Everything Else



 

While flicking through channels the other night, I came upon a new series on the science channel called
Man-Made Mammals.

Now there was very little information on the info bar, so I figured they were cross breeding various creatures
like dung beetles and rats to make our sewer systems more cost effective.

What I got was more than I could have possibly hoped for.

This was old school gay German bestiality adult entertainment, at its clinical best, (not that there is anything wrong with that.)

One Thomas Hildebrandt and his dream team were tasked with inseminating a Rhinoceros, and I happened to tune in at the seaman collecting part of the special.

One has to ask themselves, how does one apply for this type of position? Is there a lot of competition for the job?
How is the pay? Apparently they had the experience, well at least with elephants, and that clearly made them the
market makers in the narrow field of large animal seaman extraction and insemination.

First things first on the check list

1. Give large animal, really big animal ruffie.

2. Get very large electro vibrating probing device to stimulate the animals prostrate! It was a cross between a defibrillator and something you might pick up in an all night love shop in the west village.
I think they referred to this device the Rhinaculator or Rhinobator, I was laughing too hard to remember it exactly and it was in that thick Germanic accent like the evil dude from the first Indiana Jones movie.

3. Get a very large pastry filling bag to substitute for the yet to be introduced "Magnum Rhino", trust me this will be on the market soon and I will get no credit from the gents in marketing at Trojan.

Well from this point the procedure is pretty self explanatory. The rhino gets doped up and while in a half conscious state, Hildebrandt and his team gear up. While Hans is turning up the volume on the Rhinaculator, Franz "massages" the rhino’s member and a third member of the team with a catchers mask on awaits the "Money Shot" with the pastry bag.

Oddly enough the Rhino did not seem to mind?

Well, at that point I decided to start flicking channels again, clearly it was the females turn next and these types of films are always so predictable

You may all be asking yourselves, what does this have to do with trout? Or rage?

Everything!

If it was not for brave pioneers like those in this series the future of our trout and salmon populations would be at mortal jeopardy to join the ever growing ranks of the extinct.

There are efforts around the globe to catalog all the remaining species of Salvelinus, Salmo and Oncorhynchus and their respective subspecies. The samples they collect today maybe our fish of the future. As the glaciers continue to recede and the Al Gores’ of the world continue to take all the credit for the real work that gets done behind the scenes to secure a future of ecological diversity. We know who the real heroes of this story are. We salute the Fluffers of the Animal Kingdom!

Let’s see them put that in a beer commercial!

Ralph



 

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